How to Be a Great Lover (Not What You Think)

Olive Persimmon

How to Be a Great Lover (Not What You Think)

by Olive Persimmon

TEDxAsburyPark201811 min

Olive Persimmon: Author, Speaker, Communication Coach After a five-year dry spell, Olive Persimmon embarked on a journey to "get her mojo back" and save her love life by exploring sex and dating in New York City. She chronicled the stories for her second book and in doing so, realized she wasn't the only one who felt insecure, scared, and inexperienced when it came to sex. Olive's talk discusses how both exploring and writing about sexuality unintentionally reignited her long-lost passion and helped her overcome her fear of intimacy. Her adventures included everything from 20 blind dates in 30 days, exploration of the foot fetish scene, and work with a sex therapist. She chronicled the stories for her second book and in doing so, realized she wasn't the only one who felt insecure, scared, and inexperienced when it came to sex. Olive's talk discusses how both exploring and writing about sexuality unintentionally reignited her long-lost passion and helped her overcome her fear of intimacy. Olive is an author, speaker, and communication coach. Her first book, Unintentionally Celibate, takes a comedic approach to talking about sex. Her second book, The Coitus Chronicles, will be out on Valentine's Day 2019. “Literary Libido:How Writing About Sex Helped Me Overcome My Fear of Intimacy” After a five-year dry spell, Olive Persimmon embarked on a journey to "get her mojo back" and save her love life by exploring sex and dating in New York City. Her adventures included everything from 20 blind dates in 30 days, exploration of the foot fetish scene, and work with a sex therapist. She chronicled the stories for her second book and in doing so, realized she wasn't the only one who felt insecure, scared, and inexperienced when it came to sex. Olive's talk discusses how both exploring and writing about sexuality unintentionally reignited her long-lost passion and helped her overcome her fear of intimacy. Her first book, Unintentionally Celibate, takes a comedic approach to talking about sex. Her second book, The Coitus Chronicles, will be out on Valentine's Day 2019. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

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Tarot Mapping

The Lovers

The Lovers card represents the power of choice and the union of opposites, whether in a relationship or within oneself. It signifies a major decision that requires aligning with your true values and the potential for deep connection.

lovechoicesharmonyalignmentvaluesrelationshipsduality

Why This Mapping?

This talk is about choosing truth over performance in intimacy. The Lovers is not about technique—it’s about vulnerability, honest communication, and conscious connection, exactly the transformation Olive describes.

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At its core, The Lovers is often misunderstood as a “romance card.” In the deeper arcana sense, it represents alignment through truth, the moment when intimacy becomes possible because masks are removed. Olive’s journey mirrors this card precisely: + From shame to self-revelation The opening confession—naming sexual inexperience, body shame, fear—echoes the Lovers’ original symbolic test: Can you be seen as you are? In classic imagery, the figures are naked not for eroticism, but for radical honesty. + From performance to presence Olive dismantles the belief that great sex is about logistics, positions, or mastery. This is a Lovers-level shift: moving from ego-driven performance to mutual presence and choice. The card asks not “Are you skilled?” but “Are you real?” + From protection to connection The pattern of rejecting others before being rejected is the shadow of the Lovers—fear of choice, fear of vulnerability. The breakthrough comes when Olive chooses openness anyway, which is the card’s central act: choosing connection despite risk. + Communication as erotic force The moment with Simon—naming insecurity aloud and being met with tenderness—is textbook Lovers energy. The card governs not just attraction, but dialogue, consent, and shared meaning. When they speak honestly, intimacy deepens immediately. + Integration of desire and truth Exploration (yes/no/maybe lists, curiosity, experimentation) is not framed as shock or novelty—it’s framed as conscious choice. This keeps the talk squarely in Lovers territory rather than The Devil. Desire is integrated, not compulsive. In the Fool’s Journey, The Lovers is where instinct meets ethics, desire meets values, and intimacy becomes a choice made with awareness. Olive’s talk is exactly that initiation: learning that being a “great lover” is not about doing more, but about being more honest, more present, and more available.

Reflection Questions

•What major choice am I facing, and which option aligns with my true self?
•How can I bring more harmony to my inner opposing forces?
•Where am I compromising my values for the sake of a relationship?

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